Funny Poems About a Stick Up Your Arse
Warning: NSFW rhymes
It is National Limerick Day 2016 – and the jokes are flooding in.
But this year they came up a little dry and given today is all about having a bit of a laugh we had to reach deep into the archives for something a little different.
After a little fumbling around we came up with, well, these. Ahem.
Yep, it's a whole bunch of limericks that'll have you clicking to shrink your browser. Lols.
Send us your limericks viahey@metro.co.uk or Tweet us on Twitter @MetroUK and we'll dd them in.
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Ready? Here we go…
There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming – he went!
There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was doing his wife on the stair
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air
A strange young fellow from Leeds
Rashly swallowed a package of seeds.
Great tufts of fine grass
Sprouted out of his ass
And his balls were covered with weeds.
There once was a man from sprocket
Who went for a ride in a rocket
The rocket went bang
His balls went clang
And he found his dick in his pocket!
There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you're not in the right 'un."
There was a young girl of Cape Cod
Who thought babies were fashioned by God,
But 'twas not the Almighty
Who hiked up her nightie –
'Twas Roger, the lodger, by God!
There once was a man from madras
Whose balls were made of brass
In stormy weather
They clang together
And sparks fly out of his ass!
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think –
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates.
But a fall on his cutlass
Has rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.
Limericks courtesy of Angel Fire
Okay, so what's a limerick?
Technically a limerick, which dates back more than 500 years, is a poem that contains five lines that rhyme in an AABBA structure.
Confused? Well it is pretty simple really. All three of the A lines must rhyme with each other, and the two B lines must also rhyme with each other.
The whole thing should carry an 'anapestic beat' – two short syllables followed by a long one – that goes something like:
(A) Da da dum da da dum da da duma
(A) Da da dum da da dum da da dum
(B) Da da dum da da dum
(B) Da da dum da da dum
(A) Da da dum da da dum da da dum
Why is National Limerick Day today?
Today is all about word play and rhymes to celebrate the birthday of English artist and writer Edward Lear.
Lear, who was born in 1812, was all about a bit of fun and wrote his 'Book of Nonsense' of 72 limericks in 1846 with exactly that in mind.
The book was a huge success, not only making the author popular, but also boosting the limerick into popular culture across the world.
Source: https://metro.co.uk/2016/05/12/these-adult-poems-for-national-limerick-day-2016-are-totally-nsfw-5877368/
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